Awakening Read online

Awakening

  By

  Qwantu Amaru

  * * * * *

  PUBLISHED BY:

  Qwantu Amaru

  Awakening

  Copywright 2012 Qwantu Amaru

  License Statement

  Acknowledgements

  Thank God for the talent, mind and soul.

  Mom and Dad for the nurturing, morals, intellect and insight.

  Keith Rogers for the vision.

  Friends and family for the undying support.

  BackTalk! poetry troupe for the movement.

  contents

  scars

  resignation

  solitary

  higher power

  change

  something for the thugs

  gone baby gone

  a theist

  12 months later

  one kiss

  monster

  some things (never change)

  no one (compares to you)

  eve

  Exclusive Excerpt from One Blood by Qwantu Amaru

  scars

  My tattoos were not fused to my skin

  With hues of a burning inkpen

  I earned each and every one of them

  When you trace them

  You can see everywhere I've been

  Every single time I've fallen

  And gotten up again

  I'm going to let you in

  Within the deep dark den of my self

  I'm giving you the combination to my soul

  I've been dreading this moment ever since we first met

  But I offer no apologies for the life I've led

  Because if I want you to get me

  I've got to show you the real me

  Expose you to my filthy

  Underbelly

  Ready or not I need to show you a few things

  Come count the skeletons in the closet of this king

  I truly hope you will linger after exploring my inner space

  For the outcome of your inspection might determine my fate

  Now that you've dissected my cosmology

  Do you still love me

  Like you said you did before you experienced the blizzard of my bodies loneliest lair

  Do you still care

  Like you said you did before you took in my years of wear and tear

  Are you as scared as I am

  Can you be the comforter

  Who finally smothers my loneliness

  Because this was my last test

  Now I'm yours

  Mind body and soul

  You've seen me broken that's how I've become whole

  Yes the years took there toll but I've paid my debts

  Because I bet the house on you and am walking away a winner

  A sinner reformed a man reborn

  Once scorned

  Now crowned

  Taken from undiscovered to world-reknowned

  Full of hope for a future that exceeds our expectations by far

  But first you have to trust me enough to show me your scars

  resignation

  I always said that I'd quit before I ever got fired

  But maybe I should have quit before I ever got hired

  Okay, it's true, I lied on my application

  Created tall tales in the blanks about previous jobs and education

  Basically I've been wasting your time and mine

  And I'm smart enough to know when the wine and dine is over

  I'm in way over my head

  I made this bed

  But I can't lie here anymore

  And oh how I wish I could

  Lie

  Because that's what these arrangements are all about

  You had your doubts when you signed me up

  But I filled your head up with beautific fallacies

  And surprisingly you entered into this fantasy world with me

  And I love you for your belief and trust in me, I truly do

  Still two years have passed and things haven't improved

  My performance ratings have plummeted

  But my salary like my waistline has increased

  I don't dream of promotions anymore

  Now I dream of being released

  From the responsibility of striving to succeed

  From the need to be the best I can be

  Feeling completely unmotivated, I just long to be free

  Of the long hours, and always having to be on call

  It sucks to say but I'm not afraid to throw it all away

  And I may regret saying these words some day

  But today just is not that day

  So please accept my resignation

  My failure

  My incompetence

  My inability to communicate

  Have all led to this

  Awareness, not ignorance, is real bliss

  And I must insist that you can't convince me to stay

  Because both parties are most definitely better off this way

  At the end of the day, life's just too short

  The next time I see you will probably be in court

  And at that time you can seek your retribution

  For the bruises and contusions suffered while loving me

  You can tell them all about how I abandoned my husbandly post

  You can proclaim how our love life went comatose

  Feel free to roast me on the spit of the judges gavel

  I won't unravel and I won't refute your claims

  Just give me back my last name and I'll give you your due share

  And then I'll walk out of that courtroom with nary a care

  Because all's fair in love and work

  My only regret is that I ever caused you to feel hurt

  Now I'm resigned to a life of solitude and loss

  At least until I find a new Boss…

  solitary

  There is a dream

  Frightening in its intensity

  I must understand the meaning

  So I can break free

  There is a road

  All menacing curves

  I must walk alone

  It is my destiny

  There is a house

  Haunted by hope

  I must finish the foundation

  Before it becomes too dark to see

  There is a place

  Awe inspiring in its immensity

  I will reside there

  But I can't take you with me

  higher power

  only one choice in this life to make

  only one direction to take

  but all roads lead to home

  all roads lead to him

  and her

  and it

  all things fit

  inside this light filled pit

  keep going

  you'll make it

  keep giving

  don't worry about what you get

  no regrets allowed

  live in the now

  climb down the tower

  seek your higher power

  until your final hour

  never

  stop

  searching

  the

  truth

  is

  urging

  urgent

  earnest

  earned

  blessed

  this is not a test

  this

  is

  life

  change

  The restless are resting less

  Because there is less assurance

  Yet increased uncertainty

  Certainly

  These are dark days

  But sun rays travel light years to illuminate the way

  So who are we to lie idling by


  Letting time pass us by

  What will it take to make us try

  Harder tomorrow than we did today

  Will it take more calamities

  More Darfur's

  More slain Iraqui's and Afghani's

  Higher death counts of our troops

  Higher amounts of toxins in our food

  In our air

  Why don't we care about any of these things?

  Why do we put so much value on diamond rings

  While every day we divorce from nature

  Is it our basic nature to destroy

  Or can we employ our strengths to create

  What are we waiting for

  We don't have to be restless anymore

  Just like we don't need wings to soar

  We just need to sweat

  We need to get behind a common cause

  If we can applaud our sports teams

  Can we also collectively dream

  Of a world community

  United

  Where only necessary resources are divided

  Can we decide it's time to stop laying blame

  Shouldn't we be so ashamed of the state of our home

  That we hone in on each problem

  And then take the necessary actions to solve them

  This moment is not about the them's and they's

  Nor is it about the concerns that mask our way

  It's about making history

  And to make history we have to create a new majority

  A new society built on the solid bricks of change

  A new golden age where people are no longer afraid

  A world where games are not played with people's lives

  A place where survival does not rival education

  A nation of people chasing self-actualization

  Now is not the time for patience

  Now is the time of freedom

  Now is the time to get the job done

  Now is the time for one nation

  Illuminated

  Now is the moment we've waited for a lifetime

  But we can't allow any more time to slip away

  We must embrace positive change for our children's sake

  Let us take on this new challenge

  Let us all join hands

  We must change the world

  And together, yes we can

 

  something for the thugs

  You can call me NIGGER

  Any day

  But the day you refer to me

  As a THUG

  Will be the day

  BLOOD will paint the streets

  Because in my heart

  Beats the blood of KINGS

  I am royalty

  So please don't degrade me

  Or my people

  By labeling

  See it won't stick

  Like those colored only signs

  In the sixties

  You will be crushed by the gravity

  Of our new majority

  A new psychology is being born

  It's time to put away those worn titles

  File them away under the word IGNORANCE

  They can't ignore us

  If we value ourselves

  If we stop selling out to downpressers

  If we put away the clown nose and big shoes

  And get down to big business

  No one will think less of you my brother

  And I do love you

  Or else I wouldn't be saying these words to you

  See it took a trip to prison for Malcolm to learn the power of words

  THUG literally means HOODLUM

  And a HOODLUM is a criminal

  Think about the subliminal messages you send our kids

  By making it COOL to share this appearance

  How COOL will the floor of their cells be

  How happy will you make the wealthy

  Who only long to see a majority of us behind bars

  Instead of behind the wheels of luxury cars

  That we bought with CLEAN money

  It's funny

  We do more damage to ourselves

  Than any oppressor could fathom

  But this self-destructive tendency is not random

  It is something planted inside each of us since we were young

  But we are older now

  No longer dumb

  So if you long for freedom

  And equality in this society

  Join with me

  And remove these false wrappings

  Claim your kingdom

  gone baby gone

  Beautiful baby boy

  Elaborate stroller

  Loving mother

  By his side

  Pacifier pacifying

  Eyes fluttering

  Dreaming

  Of the future?

  The father sits

  In close proximity

  Smoking

  Cigarette

  after

  Cigarette

  after

  Cigarette

  Admires baby's fluttering eyes

  Baby coughs

  Sputtering

  The future becoming

  a

  smoke

  filled

  room

  a theist

  A white picket fence

  Separates

  Our faiths

  Yet you see

  Unfathomable

  Distance

  Like the space between

  Earth and sun

  Still

  It comforts me

  To see your light on

  Over there

  I often

  Question

  The sorry state of humanity

  why

  can’t

  we

  begin

  to

  speak

  intelligibly

  about

  he

  she

  it

  a difficult subject

  to be sure

  are you so sure

  about existence

  and its meaning?

  God leaning

  or

  God leery

  ironically

  there is only one right response

  i believe

  12 months later

  Last year

  On this day

  I bought you an iPod

  There was no music

  Yet you still danced

  This year

  There will be

  no

  dancing

  and for that

  I

  Apologize

  one kiss

  I know this is a taboo subject between friends

  But I feel like bending the rules a bit

  Because whenever you lick your lips

  My focus slips and I forget

  That I'm not supposed to be looking at you like this

  Is it wrong to wish we could get closer

  Is it wrong to ask you to come over

  At this ungodly hour

  Is it wrong to give in to the power of this longing

  Just this once

  I've been fighting this want ever since we first met

  But I respect you too much to cross the line

  Even if you are a dime

  Damn

  I'm a man and you're a woman

  I should be warming your mouth with mine

  Our fingers should be as intertwined as our minds

  We should be putting our doubts behind

  We 2 should become 1 of a kind

  If you let me I could find all of your fun spots

  I could get you so hot you would beg me not to quit

  I could lick and lick and lick

  I could be a perfect fit

  I could pick you up

  Around 8

  And take away all your sorrows

  A
nd make all of your tomorrows great

  And maybe even make you late

  For work

  If this desire is lurking somewhere within you as well

  You need to help me

  By telling me that you want me too

  After that we should do what comes natural

  And deal with what comes after

  In the aftermath

  In the afterglow

  I will show you the love we made was not in vain

  There is no shame in giving in to these feelings

  We've been stealing glances for how many years?

  We've been dancing around this issue for how many years?

  How long are we going to let fear rule our lives?

  Let's live in the moment for once

  Let's walk to the edge and jump

  And after we come back up for air

  You'll see that I'm still here and you're still here

  That our friendship hasn't gone anywhere

  That we didn't want it to go

  But now we know

  Where to go to find true bliss

  And it all starts

  With

  Just

  One

  Kiss

  monster

  Your hands

  Send short sparks

  Through nerve endings

  Raw

  Stuff me

  With your cotton

  caress

  Now drink me

  Through lips high

  and low

  And hear me groan

  Own these sounds

  Like you own my

  Flesh

  Make me your pet

  Smell my desire for you

  Wet your palette

  Gaze upon passion

  Of your creation

  Lust unrationed

  Pants unfastened

  Feast

  famished eyes

  On your

  love monster

  My sex

  responds to

  only one master

  some things (never change)

  There is secret hope

  in your smile

  I pray it never fades

  The same way I pray

  That one day the timing will finally be right

  To ignite the fuse

  We've long refused to touch

  Because friendship has always had to be enough

  It's amazing we've stayed in touch

  After all these years

  After all this time

  Is there still a small space in your heart

  I might claim as mine?

  If I quantified the amount of space

  You occupy in my mind

  You would have a clear sign of how much

  I want you

  How much I have longed

  To spend longer and longer moments

  Just we two

  Laughing

  Loving

  Touching

  Doing what we do

  You are precious

  Irreplaceable

  And I love you now more than ever

  Wherever life pushes us next

  I have a secret knowledge

  That allows me to pass these tests